(Satire) Best Valentine’s Day dates in Newark
No matter what date night experience you choose this Valentine’s Day, remember this: the only real V-day winners are the ones who make it to ...
Sofa King, an investigation
Senior Reporter Evan Tridone sets out to find who this elusive “sofa king” is. Tridone concludes that the “Sofa King” is a figure lost to ...
Satire: BREAKING — Innocent student becomes first victim of new backless Scrounge chairs
“He was only a figure of innocence,” Kong said.
![[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48702836381_804716be72_b.jpg)
[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021
In what seems like an unexpected turn of events, university Residence Life & Housing (RLH) has announced the upcoming reopening of the Christiana Towers.
Satire: Superfan goes to great lengths to not spoil “Avengers: Endgame”
I have taken every precaution to ensure that my first viewing of “Endgame” has complete and utter virginity. There will be no spoilers. It is ...
SATIRE: At 1,743’rd mention in 2019, Francis Alison resurrected from the dead
Rev. Francis Alison, the university's claimed founder, was resurrected from the dead this weekend.
SATIRE: Study shows that we should stop trusting studies
A recent poll has shown that Americans shouldn’t be so quick to believe other polls.
Satire: Family of five gets fined for having a super party
Before Jessica was even able to blow out the candles, Newark Police came bursting through the door.
Satire: Joe Biden announces he is running
For the past year, former Vice President Joe Biden has been rumored to be considering a run for the 2020 presidency.
SATIRE: I tried every piece of gum on Main Street so you don’t have to
I’ll say it. I hate cinnamon gum. Who doesn’t?