Category: Satire

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Satire: Fletcher Hopkins, third grader, creates university’s COVID-19 dashboard

Satire: Fletcher Hopkins, third grader, creates university’s COVID-19 dashboard

Arts and Entertainment- September 22, 2020

University administration encouraged Hopkins to create the COVID-19 dashboard using a sheet of wide-ruled paper and a crayon, of which they would then take a ...

30 things to do instead of going to a party

30 things to do instead of going to a party

Mosaic- September 19, 2020

Here are some alternatives to partying as the COVID-impacted fall semester gets underway.

(Satire) Best Valentine’s Day dates in Newark

(Satire) Best Valentine’s Day dates in Newark

Mosaic- February 13, 2020

No matter what date night experience you choose this Valentine’s Day, remember this: the only real V-day winners are the ones who make it to ...

Sofa King, an investigation

Sofa King, an investigation

Mosaic- September 29, 2019

Senior Reporter Evan Tridone sets out to find who this elusive “sofa king” is. Tridone concludes that the “Sofa King” is a figure lost to ...

[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021

[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021

Mosaic- September 9, 2019

In what seems like an unexpected turn of events, university Residence Life & Housing (RLH) has announced the upcoming reopening of the Christiana Towers.

Satire: Superfan goes to great lengths to not spoil “Avengers: Endgame”

Satire: Superfan goes to great lengths to not spoil “Avengers: Endgame”

Column- May 6, 2019

I have taken every precaution to ensure that my first viewing of “Endgame” has complete and utter virginity. There will be no spoilers. It is ...

SATIRE: At 1,743’rd mention in 2019, Francis Alison resurrected from the dead

SATIRE: At 1,743’rd mention in 2019, Francis Alison resurrected from the dead

Mosaic- April 23, 2019

Rev. Francis Alison, the university's claimed founder, was resurrected from the dead this weekend.

SATIRE: Study shows that we should stop trusting studies

SATIRE: Study shows that we should stop trusting studies

Column- April 15, 2019

A recent poll has shown that Americans shouldn’t be so quick to believe other polls.