Satire: Fletcher Hopkins, third grader, creates university’s COVID-19 dashboard
University administration encouraged Hopkins to create the COVID-19 dashboard using a sheet of wide-ruled paper and a crayon, of which they would then take a ...
30 things to do instead of going to a party
Here are some alternatives to partying as the COVID-impacted fall semester gets underway.
From the belly of the administrative beast: My housing assignment in Dennis Assanis’s home
Limited on-campus housing leads to an uncomfortable stay at Dennis Assanis' house.
(Satire) Best Valentine’s Day dates in Newark
No matter what date night experience you choose this Valentine’s Day, remember this: the only real V-day winners are the ones who make it to ...
Sofa King, an investigation
Senior Reporter Evan Tridone sets out to find who this elusive “sofa king” is. Tridone concludes that the “Sofa King” is a figure lost to ...
Satire: BREAKING — Innocent student becomes first victim of new backless Scrounge chairs
“He was only a figure of innocence,” Kong said.
![[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48702836381_804716be72_b.jpg)
[Satire] University announces Christiana Towers as new freshman housing, set to reopen 2021
In what seems like an unexpected turn of events, university Residence Life & Housing (RLH) has announced the upcoming reopening of the Christiana Towers.
Satire: Superfan goes to great lengths to not spoil “Avengers: Endgame”
I have taken every precaution to ensure that my first viewing of “Endgame” has complete and utter virginity. There will be no spoilers. It is ...
SATIRE: At 1,743’rd mention in 2019, Francis Alison resurrected from the dead
Rev. Francis Alison, the university's claimed founder, was resurrected from the dead this weekend.
SATIRE: Study shows that we should stop trusting studies
A recent poll has shown that Americans shouldn’t be so quick to believe other polls.