Freshman Sarah Silver has reportedly Googled “yeast infection symptoms” while sitting in the front row of her Geology 150 lecture, as if everyone was not staring at her computer screen. Silver has conducted a total of three WebMD searches and one Google Images search of the vaginal infection symptoms.
Silver was sitting in the lecture Tuesday when she felt an itch that had been recurring all week. “I didn’t know what was wrong with me,” Silver said. “It was burning down there and I didn’t want the entire lecture hall behind me see me reach down there to get the itch. So I figured Googling it on my open laptop screen was much more subtle.”
After her first class, Silver realized that the girls who always sat behind her looked at her funny. It was not until a few of them came up to her with comments like, “Yeah you should get that checked,” and “Try Student Health and using less soap,” did Silver realize the repercussions of her harmless Google search. Due to the wandering eyes behind her, her self diagnosis had basically gone viral by noon.
Sophomore Lizzy Low, who sat three rows behind Silver, said, “Yeah…she’s nasty. But I Yak’d a picture of her Google search from where I was sitting, and I got tons of ups.”
Other students in the class make more deliberate choices of where they sit., “I sit in the handicap seat in the last row. There’s lot’s of leg room and I don’t have to worry about people thinking I’m not an unapproachable asshole” said Senior Joe Mannhands. Mannhands is a statuesque young man, who hopes to get through the semester without being called on.
Sophomore Olivia Leonard sits a few rows in front of Mannhands in their Geology 150 Lecture. “I mean, I really try and get a seat in the back, because then I can leave and get to coffee if I want and no one will be watching me climb back through the aisles,” she said.
Sophomore Nick Koot has another motive for choosing the back row. “I sit in the back with headphones in and watch porn,” he said.
Silver is now doing much better and her symptoms have calmed down. With the help of classmates, she has been prescribed Monistat and a new seat in Smith 120.