The Re-Review: Guy Picks His Nose Without Anybody Noticing In Lecture Hall, He Thinks

BY
STAFF MUCKRAKER

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THE REVIEW
Senior Tom Fischer totally thought he was getting away with it, too.

SMITH HALL—Senior Tom Fischer had to pick his nose in lecture last Monday, but there was a problem: he didn’t want anybody to actually know he picks his nose.

Waiting until after class like an adult, or pretending to be someone who doesn’t pick his nose—both options were out of the question. Fischer had a packet of tissues in his bag, but let’s be honest, tissues just aren’t satisfying as picking your nose, they’re just not.

At first, Fischer put his pointer finger under his nose with his thumb under his chin and squinted his eyes as if he was intently paying attention. Once in position he shifted his pointer finger up and into his nose while still looking like he was paying attention, as if his finger was in his nose by complete accident. Fischer quickly realized that the angle that this strategy offered was ineffective and didn’t provide the depth of penetration that he needed.

Realizing the difficult combination of having to pick your nose, and not wanting to have people know you pick your nose, Fischer decided to use his laptop as a blocker.

He thought, “I bet if I bend really low putting my face inches from my laptop screen, it should provide enough cover for me to visibly shove my finger into my nose, and no one will notice or think it’s suspicious.”

After successfully removing a booger from his nose Fischer moved onto the “get it off my finger dilemma.” He thought, “If I roll this booger, that was wetter than I accounted, around long enough I should be able to flick it, and the best part is no one will notice or think it’s obvious that I just moments ago picked my nose as I rub my pointer finger and thumb together over and over.”

Finally when Fischer had the booger to his liking, he tried to flick it off his finger, not caring about the rows of people sitting in front of him. The booger just got stuck on the nail of his pointer finger, so he rubbed it off on the seat in front of him. Fischer settled into his seat and gave a quick scan of the room satisfied that no one saw him pick his nose.

Shannon Gray, the girl sitting next to Fischer who watched him from start to finish, noted not to sit next to him next lecture. Fischer noted to himself that he would re-watch the lecture on course capture because he had spent the whole time picking his nose.

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