Cancer: Love is in the air for you this week; the stars encourage you to ask someone out on a zoom date
Gemini: After watching The Queen’s Gambit, you will become convinced that you can be a chess legend. You will fail in your attempt to win a chess tournament.
Taurus: Take this week easy, like you’ve been taking every week easy
Aries: Your crush will smooch you this week. Of this I am sure.
Leo: You’ve been streaming Folklore a lot…are you okay?
Libra: December is here! Binge Hallmark movies! Spend grocery money on garland and fair isle sweaters! Be happy for approximately an hour! Then go study while Back to December by Taylor Swift plays on repeat for the rest of the month.
Scorpio: Plotting revenge won’t do you any good. Instead, soak in your feelings and see what the healthiest next move is for you.
Sagittarius: All your friends are fake. Drop em.
Virgo: It’s in your best interest to start baking some Christmas cookies!
Capricorn: Don’t micromanage this week. Instead, let it all hang loose.
Aquarius: Please listen to the Shrek soundtrack.
Pisces:Don’t put the cart before the horse this week, or else you will have to lay in the bed you made. And you know what they say when you assume.