The Re-Review: Two Most Awkward People on Campus Spend 50 Minutes Trying To Pass Each Other on The Green

BY
STAFF MUCKRAKER

Campus Pictures-Spring
Morgan Brownell/THE REVIEW
Reynolds and Barnett had their standoff here, in the stark lighting of Gore Hall’s shade.

THE GREEN—The two most awkward students on campus were walking to class last Tuesday and instead of passing right past each other, they did that thing where you walk at somebody and both choose the same side to walk around each other, then both try the other side for 50 minutes straight.

The encounter occurred between junior Chris Reynolds, a junior, who realized he was going the wrong way to class but did not want to have people see him change direction so he was going to just loop around The Green, and sophomore John Barnett, who has been known to hold the door for people 50 feet from the door forcing the other person to walk really fast for it. They were walking at each other in front of Memorial Hall and were about 20 feet away when Reynolds did that thing where you mentally note what side you’re taking. Reynolds chose the right side because you always choose the right side, right? You just always do. The problem occurred when Barnett committed to his left, the same side as Barnett.

“I mean, you could tell from 20 feet out that this was going to happen,” an eyewitness aid. “They both did that thing where you try and figure out what side the person you’re walking towards is going to go, and they both chose the wrong side. Barnett decided to go left. Who goes left?”

As the distance between them closed, it became more obvious what was going to happen. Finally when they were about to collide, they kept trying to pass each other on the same side. They both tried to avoid eye contact with one another. This lasted for 50 long, awkward minutes.

“It was like they were dancing or something,” another eyewitness stated. “I’ve never seen anybody do that for that long. It was weird.”

Finally, after 50 grueling minutes, they disengaged. Reynolds did that thing where you check your phone after you do something awkward.

Barnett made eye contact with eyewitness Nina Boyd, and tried to laugh with her.

“It was weird,” Boyd said. “His eyes were desperate and frantic, but he was laughing out loud. I felt like I had to shower after seeing what happened.”

Barnett was late to a test and instead of showing up late and having to explain to his professor what happened, he just withdrew from the class, which he’ll need to retake next semester.

With this incident in the past, the community stands in fear of what would happen if Barnett and Reynolds both reached a stop sign at the same time.

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