Satire

About three things I am absolutely positive: first, that Dennis Assanis is a vampire. Second, there is a part of him, and I don’t know how dominant that part may be, that thirsts for the blood of university students. And third, that you will never hear from me again once this article is published.

I have never found “The Truman Show” so profound until now.

All it takes is a little imagination to recreate a study abroad experience in the comfort of your home or dorm.

When the day came, I was greeted by a YouDee™ emblazoned limousine that had pulled up in front of my house.

Roses are red, violets are blue. No amount of remote learning could quell my love for you.

Managing Mosaic Editor Danny Zang's housing assignment in the humble abode of university president Dennis Assanis grows ever more stressful.

The humans are losing ground to the invasive spotted lanternflies, but a late game victory may turn the tide.

Still feeling homesick for campus? We are too. Check out these certified Fightin' Blue Hen tips and tricks for creating your very own campus atmosphere.

University administration encouraged Hopkins to create the COVID-19 dashboard using a sheet of wide-ruled paper and a crayon, of which they would then take a photo with a 2013 Samsung Galaxy. Hopkins, however, insisted that he at least use Google Sheets.

Here are some alternatives to partying as the COVID-impacted fall semester gets underway.